The Virtual Stage · Review
Dancing Lasers reviewed: Ten shows, one golden idol and no curtain call
Laser Thief's rhythm mode reviewed as a dance revue: ten shows, three rounds, beams on the kick drum. Big number or nice encore?
By The Editors · · 5 min read
The revue is a British passion, too often underestimated for its lightness. Between the big shows of the West End there was always an evening of turns: a song, a sketch, a dance, a build, a finale with feathers. No one expected depth, but everyone expected pace. Dancing Lasers, the music mode of Laser Thief, is such a revue, and we intend to judge it by the standards it sets itself.
The Programme
Laser Thief by ThreeFlavors LLC is a mixed-reality heist for Meta Quest in which, according to the studio, you sneak through lasers in your own room to steal loot and bring it back to the start pad. Dancing Lasers takes this basic principle and sets it to music. There are ten shows, each choreographed to one of five live-synthesised tracks. Each show has three rounds: you grab a golden idol and bring it back, three times in a row, and in the second and third rounds more lasers are added. Between rounds the phrase ‘The show gets wilder…’ appears, the lasers reset, and it continues without a countdown.
The titles read like a playbill: Opening Act, Slow Dance, Neon Strobe, Mirrorball, Wave Rider, Kaleido Rave, Hyperdrive, Spectral Seam, Overclock and finally Encore. This is a considered dramaturgy: from the cautious opening through slow numbers to the finale, which according to the studio brings everything together. All shows are unlocked from the start. So you may begin with the encore if you wish, which any revue director would consider an affront.
The Choreography
The best thing about this mode is a single idea. Violet lasers, according to the studio, are solid only on the beat of the music; between beats they are a harmless ghost; magenta lasers blink in time. So you cross the room not by dexterity alone but by counting. This turns an obstacle course into something that genuinely approaches choreography.
The beams pump on the kick drum, growing brighter and wider, cycling through rainbow hues and flashing a new colour with every beat. Added to these are purely decorative lasers that exist only for the show: wall fans, floor spotlights and a disco-ball star on the back wall. This is lighting design in the manner of a concert, and it works because it clearly separates the deadly beams from the decorative ones.
The good revue number has one rule: build. Dancing Lasers masters it, round by round, laser by laser.
One safety rule deserves mention: deadly beams in the path, according to the studio, blink with at least two dark beats. The choreography is therefore fair. Whoever keeps time gets through.
The Music
Here lies the greatest weakness. Ten shows share five tracks, each carrying two numbers. The tracks are well made and fit the neon world, from the swinging ‘Midnight Heist’ at 100 BPM to the driving ‘Overclock’ at 140 BPM. But a revue also lives on the variety of its band, and after the fifth evening you know the melodies well. There is no licensed music or original songs.
One can defend this as an aesthetic decision. All music in Laser Thief, according to the studio, is synthesised live in code, which gives the game a consistent sound and allows lasers to be coupled exactly to the beat. We understand the reason. We would nevertheless have liked to hear more numbers.
Scoring and Ambition
Scoring follows the same rule as in the whole game. One star for finishing, one for zero hits, one for a time under the show’s par. Time and hits are added up across all three rounds, and there are no shields in this mode, not even on the easiest difficulty. According to the studio, the best stars per show are saved locally, with no online leaderboard.
That is modest. There is no rank, no points, no combos as in Beat Saber. Those who love rhythm games for the competition will not find enough here. Those who want to see a show in which they themselves dance the lead role, however, get a satisfying whole.
The Missing Finale
Remains the title of this review. At the end of a show, according to the studio, there is the game’s usual results screen with stars, time and hits. What is missing is the moment when the revue takes its leave as a revue: a closing image, an arc, a final grand effect that would be made only for this mode. After ‘Encore’, the tenth and longest show, the evening ends just like any other round. That is not a mistake, but a missed opportunity. A music mode is allowed to be vain. Precisely because the lighting design during the shows is so lavish, the sober results screen afterwards feels like the house lights going up too early.
Likewise, we would have wished for the shows to tell a story of their own, as the game does with its five worlds in story mode. As it is, they remain a sequence of numbers that can be played in any order. That suits the revue format, but weakens the pull.
Who It’s For
Dancing Lasers is an encore for people who already like Laser Thief and are looking for a change from the heist. It is also a good introduction for guests: no learning the five worlds, just an idol, a beat and three rounds. Anyone watching will probably see the most beautiful movements in the whole game in this mode, because the beat makes the body dance, whether it wants to or not.
As always with this game: it is a single-player game, it needs a clear space, according to the studio the levels are designed for 3 × 3 metres. Those who do not yet have the game can find it in the Meta Horizon Store.
4.3 stars, then, and we give them gladly. A revue number that entertains its audience deserves applause. We are still waiting only for the final curtain.